Of Blankets and Bacon
by creativelyskies
Summary: Naruto challenges Sasuke to find a fiancee in 6 months or say goodbye forever to bacon. Meanwhile, Sakura threatens to remove Hinata from her job at the daycare centre and banish her from the daycare world unless she find herself a man for once. It's all an elaborate plan, but Sasuke and Hinata are blissfully unaware...
1. The Dare

**This was a Shiorrachan challenge! **

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Dare**

"Oh, this is some damn good bacon," Naruto moaned, his appreciation for the sizzling meat in the frying pan clearly expressed on his face. "You don't see bacon like this everyday," the blonde went on, before shooting his best friend and roommate, Sasuke, a dark, accusing look. "Especially on the days when _you _cook! I swear, it's like you have a vendetta against bacon!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and sneered playfully,"Its not my fault that my cooking skills are too good for peasant food like bacon." Naruto sputtered indignantly and waved the greasy spatula threateningly in the air.

"P-Peasant food? Says the man who _begged _me to come room with him because he couldn't pay the rent?" the blonde managed after a moment.

"Well... it wasn't my fault that dad cut me off... stupid bastard. I only bought a few cars. It's not the end of the world..." Sasuke grumbled, pushing the salt and pepper shakers absently across the countertop. He eyed the bacon hungrily. It was no secret, for all Sasuke's talk, that bacon was his favorite food next to tomatoes.

"Stop checkin' out my bacon," Naruto demanded in a scandalized tone. "It's downright perverted, the way you're looking at my bacon! I say! The way your eyes are scanning my bacon right now-"

"Stop speaking about your bacon as if it's a part of your body, dobe! I just wanna know when I can get a piece," Sasuke shot back, peering into the frying pan hungrily.

"You're not getting any-" Naruto's statement was cut off when Sasuke grabbed a fork and stabbed a perfectly fried strip of meat. "BACON RAPE!" the blonde screamed, batting at Sasuke's hand with the spatula! Not about to let Naruto reclaim the bacon, Sasuke stuffed the entire strip into his mouth.

The two friends dissolved into laughter even as Naruto continued to swat his dark haired friend with the greasy spatula.

"Oi, don't get me all greasy! I, unlike you, happen to like being clean!" Sasuke smirked through his laughter as he talked around the food in his mouth. Grinning Naruto promptly stuck his hand in a day old pan of bacon grease and proceeded to wipe his hand all over the Uchiha's face. Sasuke spluttered in shock and glared at Naruto, his mouth full of bacon tasting grease.

"You!" he growled as Naruto dissolved into hysterics.

The sound of Sasuke's phone jangling saved Naruto's skin from hellish retaliation, as far as Sasuke was concerned. The dark haired male fished his phone from the back pocket and proceeded to check the text message that had just come in.

"Ooooh, lookie there," Naruto crowed in a sing-song voice. "Yet another cancel! You are really on a roll, here, it seems!" Unfortunately for Sasuke, Naruto was right. He really was on a roll. Girls had been cancelling on him left, right and centre.

"At least I have dates to get canceled, you freakin' hermit!" Sasuke snapped. "Besides, it's good for my image, I'm supposed to be a jerk."

"Uh right," Naruto grinned, his blue eyes full of mirth, then he sighed dramatically and waved his hand in the air. "Tsk, tsk, you will never get married at this rate Sasuke-chan, just look at you! Canceled dates and unable to cook bacon!"

"What the fuck? I will SO get married one day! And who said i wanted to get _married _anyway!" Sasuke sputtered indignantly, his face reddening. Still, he knew he was ignoring the fact that Itachi had said the exact same thing to him. But it could just be that both his older brother and Naruto were infected by the same disease of stupidity. Most likely that was the answer. He could _so _get married if he wanted to. It was just that he didn't. Besides, he was only twenty-one! He still had a couple years left of blessed bachelorhood. His stunning good looks weren't going anywhere anytime soon!

"Is that so?" Naruto drawled, his infuriatingly smug grin growing wider. "Well in that case get your proposal accepted by a girl in six months or no bacon for the rest of your life!"

"What kind of bat shit dare is that?" Sasuke asked, scowling.

"Clean bat shit, fresh out of the bat, too," the blonde smirked, trying to hold in his laughter at the shocked expression on Sasuke's face. "Also," the blonde continued, sending Sasuke a telling look. "You're forgetting who is the most loved in the entire university we attend. I can have your bacon banned from every establishment within seventy miles if I set my mind to it..." Naruto threatened. Sasuke paled.

This was no empty threat!

"Che, fine, fine!" he growled grumpily, looking rather like a toddler about to stamp its foot. "But what's in it for me if I win, apart from the chick?" Naruto wiggled his eyebrows in response.

"Oh, you know I'll make it worth your while..." the blonde promised, grinning from ear to ear. "Now shake on the deal. There is no backing out of this!"

* * *

"Hinata!" Sakura yelled, causing the meek Hyuuga to jump, dropping the colourful blocks that she had been packing up as her shift at the daycare ended.

"Y-yes?" she stuttered, spinning around to face and irate Sakura, who had her hands jammed on her fists. Her pink-haired boss's green eyes glinting with affectionate annoyance.

"Its Friday for goodness sake! Go home already and get laid or something!" the pinkette said, her green eyes flashing. Hinata blushed heavily and looked down at her feet.

"U-um there isn't really anyone at the moment." Sakura blinked at her for a span of probably four seconds.

"Thats enough! You're smokin' hot and beautiful! You shouldn't be stuck at a daycare centre at seven in the evening when there are studs out there to jump! When there are manly stud muffins with abs to blindside and drag into your candlelit lair!" the pinkette said firmly, gesturing dramatically with her arms.

"B-but I don't really know how to ask..." Hinata trailed miserably, hugging a stray block to her chest. She tucked a strand of hair - that had fallen from her messy bun - behind her ear.

"Well I can help with that," Sakura smirked evilly, now was the perfect time to instigate her side of the plan she and Naruto had formed. "You get someone to propose to you in six months or I will fire your Hyuuga ass from this daycare centre! Hell you don't even need the money!" Hinata gaped in shock, her mind trying desperately to catch up with her pink haired boss'.

"B-But I love the kids," she wailed miserably.

"Exactly!" the pinkette exclaimed. "And to get kids of your own, you have to jump someone's bones! I refuse to have you here, perfectly beautiful and childless, for the rest of time! Most certainly not when _I _have my kids and have nasty stretch marks across my stomach! No, you shall be defiled with me!" the pinkette continued swiftly, knowing that speaking loudly and swiftly was a surefire way to confuse the dark haired Hyuuga.

"I... I don't think-" Hinata started.

"EXACTLY!" Sakura continued excitedly. "Don't think! That's the spirit, Hinata-chan! Just find a cute guy that isn't a serial killer, and make him fall in love with you!"

"B-but, I don't really know anyone..." the brunette continued to stall.

"Exactly!" the pinkette went on, really winging it but not allowing Hinata to talk her way out of the dare. A lot was riding on this! Currently, the betting pool in the university was already over seven hundred thousand ryo... because the person that was lined up for Hinata happened to be extremely popular, but in a way that the university girls were willing to foist off on poor unsuspecting Hinata.

"E-Exactly?" Hinata asked in confusion.

"Excactly!" Sakura confirmed, nodding her head emphatically. "Because," she went on, sliding a pale arm over Hinata's cardigan covered shoulders. "Since you don't know anyone, all the males in Konoha are ripe for the picking! And, if you like, you can even go abroad! Those Iwa hunks are all so tanned and muscular and gorgeous! Or even the Suna men... desert hunks you can eat for dessert! Not to mention those long-haired stud muffins from Oto, or the frost dwelling eskimo types from Yuki... the possibilities are endless!" she finished, staring off at a random spot and waving her hand in the air for emphasis and effect.

"U-um I think I will stick with Konoha!" Hinata squeaked feeling slightly dizzy as Sakura began to to get carried away in her manly fantasies.

"Oh so you accept the challenge then?" Sakura grinned triumphantly and Hinata groaned; the pinkette had backed her into a corner.

"Umm... I-I guess?" she mumbled. Unfortunately, it was loud enough for Sakura to hear.

"Yosh!" the pinkette shouted, doing a little happy dance. "Hinata's gonna get some! Uh! Uh! Oh yeah, oh baby!" Sakura spun to face Hinata. "Oh, you have made me so happy! I am going off to write up the legal documents for this now!" she squealed before skipping off to her office and leaving a stunned and terrified Hinata in her wake.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

In a couple of minutes, Sakura rushed back into the entrance area and shoved the papers into Hinata's hands, grinning happily.

"Your signature please!"

"A-Ano..." Hinata mumbled, staring at the papers in sheer terror. She had NO idea how to talk to boys, much less get one to propose to her! And now, this horrid dare stood between her and a life filled with children at the daycare. Though she supposed what Sakura said was true.

The thought alone brought bright red surging up her cheeks. If she wanted children of her own, she'd have to... She'd have to... with a man, she'd have to... She was pathetic. She couldn't even bring herself to think the thought through! And Sakura fully expected her to _do _the actual action! But on the other hand, deep down, she didn't really want to die a childless old maid, and at the rate she was going, it would be inevitable if she didn't take this dare. So the shy Hyuuga squared her shoulders and began the arduous task of signing the papers.

And there were a lot of them.

"Make sure not to read the fine print," Sakura said quietly, almost as if she were talking to herself, but Hinata heard the words anyway. The fine print? There was fine print? She jerked one of the papers closer to her face to read the fine print that was indeed there, but Sakura yanked the papers from her hands with record speed and sprinted away to the office with them.

Hinata was positive her boss left a dust trail, but that was most likely her in otaku mode again. She hadn't got to read the fine print, but she had a feeling she wouldn't like it.

Sakura did not come back out of her office, so Hinata was left standing at the front of the daycare centre wondering what the heck she was supposed to do. Six months was not exactly a large amount of time. Not for her, anyway.

Grabbing her large leather purse, Hinata pulled on her jacket and beanie and let herself out. She would never get through this, she thought, as she waited at the bus stop. There were three guys from the college talking loudly right next to her, but not one of them sent even a glance her way. Hinata shrunk in the corner of the bus stop and looked anxiously for the bus. She was feeling like she should be doing something, but she didn't know what to do and she just felt more uncomfortable than ever.

The bus finally drove up, and Hinata was already standing by the time it drew close and stopped. She sent a small smile to the conductor after paying and found a seat in the back of the bus. It was like the universe was trying to prove a point to her, because two guys sat down next to her, but didn't so much as glance her way. Sighing, Hinata snuggled deeper into her warm jacket and pulled out her phone. She inserted her earphones and proceeded to listen to some music. But when she turned her head away to look out the window she didn't see the two guys blatantly ogling her. And the earphones in her ears shrouded their words in a fog of a heavy metal bass.

"Girls like that don't look at guys like us, dude," one of them said morosely to the other.

"Don't stop us from looking at them though," the second of the two men said a little wistfully.

* * *

Sakura made sure that Hinata was out of sight before she pulled out her phone and speed dialed Naruto, a triumphant smile on her lips.

"Wassup, Sakura-chan?" Naruto answered cheerfully, causing Sakura to blush a little.

"Operation Hyuuga/Uchiha is underway from my side!" the pinkette smirked into the phone and then both she and Naruto burst into laughter.

"Hehe, I got Sasuke too, he won't even know what hit him when he falls for Hinata!"

"You think?!" Sakura grinned happily, feeling quite proud of her accomplishments.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see everything in motion," Naruto said, his voice muffled for a moment. There was shuffling on the other side of the line. "Mnn... What's the latest figure in the pools?" Naruto asked, sounding a little distracted.

"Last time it was a little over seven hundred thousand ryo. The entire university is slowly getting involved in this," Sakura giggled. There was the jangle of a belt buckle on the other side of the line.

"Shit, that's a lot of money," Naruto said. The phone fell. Sakura frowned at the sound. "'Lo? You there still?" Naruto asked.

"Uh... yeah," Sakura said slowly. "What the hell is going on?"

"Sorry..." Naruto chuckled. "I was getting undressed and the bloody phone fell," he explained, completely unaware of the effect his words had on Sakura.

"Well why are you-"

"Shit," Naruto said, cutting her off. "Sasuke's back. I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight? Or we can get together somehow?"

"Umm... sure," Sakura agreed readily, her heart fluttering a little in her chest.

"Alright. I'll see you later then," Naruto said softly before hanging up.

* * *

"Who was that?" Sasuke asked, one dark brow raised.

"What you jealous? I got a booty call," Naruto quipped, reaching for another pair of jeans and an orange and grey hoodie. He tugged on his favorite chain and sat on the edge of his bed, reaching for his converse.

"Me, jealous? Pffft," Sasuke snorted. "I'm heading back out myself," the raven continued. "Don't wait up."

Fifteen minutes later, Sasuke was waiting to catch a bus into Konoha town. He bounded aboard the bus when it stopped and moved to a seat in the back that had just been vacated. The seat next to his was occupied by a cute, shapely brunette that- Wait, was that Hinata? Hyuuga Neji's younger cousin? He'd seen her around from time to time, and even in those select times, he'd found it hard not to ogle her. She wasn't the type to be attracted to him though, was she?

However, he had a responsibility. He had to win someone, for his precious bacon.

He turned to her.

"Hey."

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**Oh dear. Whatever will happen next? Review! Give Shiorrachan and Taymore sum love! hwehwehwe ;p**


	2. The Coffee Shop

**Waow! Thank you guys SO much for the awesome response to chapter one! We hope you like this one too!**

**Chapter 2: The Coffee Shop**

* * *

She wasn't responding. For a split second, Sasuke's heart pounded with dread. Were Naruto's words actually happening? Was he actually doomed to a life with no hope of a wife? And if so, would he ever eat bacon again? Sasuke nudged her arm, determined not to be doomed die the bitter death of a lone non-virgin.

She turned, and a small flicker of recognition lit her eyes.

"U-Uchiha-san?" she asked hesitantly, removing a white earbud from her ear. AH! Music! She'd been listening to music! No wonder she had not responded at first. His voice was breathy with relief when he responded. Oh, how the mighty had fallen...

"Aa, Uchiha Sasuke," he added a small smirk at the end to recover the ground his playboy image had just lost. She gave a short nod and then her eyes darted away from him. Uh... Cue awkward moment much? Very much. Sasuke had no idea what to say now. Well he had an idea of what he could say, but he had a feeling that his playboy moves might not work on such a woman.

Why was he even thinking about applying his playboy moves here? With her? Seriously? Oh, how the mighty had fallen indeed! She was a dork. A really hot dork, but still a dork! How was he supposed to approach this... this dork?! She was staring at her hands as is they were suddenly more interesting than his face and he took a deep breath, deciding to revert to the regular mundane tactics.

"Hn...what were you listening to?"

"A-ano Prismatic Ray by Suffer The Silence. Do you know them, Uchiha-san?" Hinata stuttered timidly. Sasuke felt his eyebrow twitch slightly, the Uchiha-san thing was getting rather old. Uchiha-san was his dad...certainly not him.

"Its Sasuke, and yeah I know them, one of my favourites actually. I didn't know you liked that type of music." On cue he leaned over and took the other earbud and popped it into his ears, not noticing Hinata face heat up at his closeness.

"E-eto..." she muttered, her gaze pinned to a random spot on his cheek. Damn. Did he have a zit or something? Sasuke itched to reach up and find out, but if he did, and he found out there was a zit, the movement would be so obvious and embarrassing... but if he didn't, and he had a zit... well, he'd be walking around with a freaking zit! Girls did not like guys with zits! But then again, if he reached up, and there wasn't a zit, he would look like he was randomly touching his cheek... which would be weird. He really was starting to sound like his narcissistic friend Neji.

And why the HELL was he worrying about this?

"D-did you h-hear the new song by them? It's called S-Sensuous," Hinata said softly; so softly Sauske had to pull the earplug out of his ear to hear her.

"Uh... I mean, hn... no, I didn't," Sasuke replied, his cheeks burning a bit. Since when did he say Naruto-like things like 'uh'? She reached for her iPod with slim, pale fingers and began searching for the track.

"I-It's really good... though I'm not entirely sure what the words mean..." she muttered. Sasuke nodded mutely, waiting for her to change the song. When she did, Sasuke had to admit inwardly that the music was exemplary. But when it got to the words, his eyes bugged out in surprise. What. The. Hell?

The lyrics to the song were the most... horny...suggestive...acutely sexual lyrics he'd ever heard in his life, and the list of sexual references in the song were too much for Sasuke to even count. Then, they were so blatant at times Sasuke had a hard time figuring out how Hinata could possibly not get the meaning. He also had a hard time not applying the lyrics of the song to her. This could be a problem. If he didn't have such a good level of self control... just the thought of her doing the things described would...

Oh no, he didn't! Sasuke was suddenly very thankful that the bus was really dark, because even though Hinata seemed really innocent, even she would not misunderstand his ... condition.

"Uh..." he trailed, kicking himself mentally for sounding so un Uchiha like "This is song is...very expressive." Hinata blinked up at him, her long black eyelashes brushing against her porcelain skin. Her cherry blossom pink lips parted slightly. Sasuke found himself staring at her lips. She was incredibly kissable. The lips spread into a soft, but enthusiastic smile.

"It's my favorite song!" she exclaimed - well, it was a rather soft exclamation, but...

'Shit,' he thought. 'Her favorite song? Ohh, shit.' Sasuke was beginning to worry, because her words did absolutely nothing to aid his condition, but he was saved when the bus pulled to a stop.

"I have to go, I have an urgent appointment!" he blurted out and shot up from his seat and literally stumbled out the door leaving a puzzled Hinata behind; she'd never ever seen a Uchiha behave so out of character.

Sasuke didn't stop running until he was far away from the bus stop and slumped against a nearby graffiti covered wall, trying his best to ignore the images that insisted on plaguing his mind. His breaths came in short quick bursts from the exertion. And why was he wearing his tightest skinny jeans again? Very bad choice for tonight. Very uncomfortable choice... Oh, tonight might not be as fun as he'd planned...

* * *

She was doomed.

All her time with the lovely little children... she could literally see it wafting away in the breeze, never to return. What had she done wrong? He was running away from her like she had a highly contagious disease.

'Am I that horrible at this flirting thing? Or maybe I'm not pretty enough? Or maybe I am just weird, and doomed to an eternity alone...' Hinata thought sadly, sighing miserably and stepped off the bus, heading to the nearest coffee shop. She desperately needed to have a latte full of cream at the moment, and probably a donut too. Thankfully she didn't put on weight easily. Hugging her jacket closer to her body Hinata strode down the cold side walk, totally oblivious to the appreciative stares that were being sent her way. In a couple minutes she reached the door of the nearest Starbucks cafe and was about to push it open when large hand did the job instead.

"Allow me," came a male voice, startling Hinata as she looked up to meet strange purplish eyes.

"Oh!" she gasped breathlessly in surprise, then squeaked as the stranger's eyes ran over her body. "A-ano, where are my manners? Thank you..." she trailed not knowing the name of the silver haired man. He was wearing a grey shirt and black skinny jeans and had a scarf wrapped loosely round his neck.

"Hidan," he smirked motioning with his hand for her to step inside. Hinata blushed furiously and made to enter the cafe but walked to the wrong side of the door and smack into the glass. Another squeak left her lips as she staggered backwards, holding her forehead as a small bump began to emerge. She backed up directly into Hidan's warm chest. Hidan smirked, the girl was unbelievably cute in a dorky kinda way. She was also still leaning against his chest, but, if possible, not in a suggestive way at all.

"You seem to be unable to walk by yourself so I'll help ya out," Hidan said roguishly. The corner of his lips turned upwards mischievously and he easily lifted her into his strong arms, ignoring her rambling protests.

* * *

Hinata bit down on her lip, her cheeks red as cherries as the stranger swept her off her feet. His spicy man scent filled her nostrils. The fact that his grey designer V-neck T-shirt was remarkably thin did not help Hinata's plight much at all, because she felt every toned muscle beneath it... and he was warm... and ... and ... and, this would never work! How was she supposed to find words to say to him when... when his purplish eyes looked at her like that? And when his big, warm, manly hands were...

"A-ano... you can put me down now," Hinata squeaked.

"On one condition," Hidan said smoothly. "You have to sit with me." Oh. Oh dear. Whatever was she going to say to him? The last male she had spoken to had run from her as fast as his legs would carry him! When Hidan laughed out loud, Hinata had a sinking feeling she'd voiced her thoughts.

"Now, I can assure you that I would never do that, un," a new voice said. A new male voice. Hinata whipped her head around to see a blonde guy with his hair in a ponytail lazily walking over to their table a confident smirk on his face. Hidan was still standing, with Hinata still in his arms. She wriggled out of his grip and unsteadily took a seat. Hidan quickly sat down next to her, sending a glare in the direction of the newcomer... who had yet to introduce himself.

"Deidara... the fuck are you doing here?" Hidan growled, not even trying to hide his annoyance. Hinata blinked, her gaze darting back and forth between the two. Um... what was going on exactly?

"Oi, Hidan move over already, un," Deidara said then proceeded to shove Hidan out of the way and plopped down in his seat, turning to face a shocked Hinata, his grin widening.

"Sooo hime, whatcha doing here with this dork, un?"

"A-ano I m-met him at the door," Hinata said quietly, feeling rather intimidated by the two handsome, completely well built, completely strange guys. "Who are you?" she asked rather bluntly, a little of the Hyuuga courage peaking out from behind her clouds of timidness.

"That mother fucker is Deidara," Hidan cut in, getting up off the floor and into the other chair at the round table.

"I can introduce myself fuckin fine, un," Deidara retorted angrily, there was no way he was letting Hidan get away with this prize. And what a prize she was! Smooth, flawless skin, long lashes, big grey eyes, pouty lips... and when his gaze drifted lower, the bounty increased. Oh hot damn! She was like fine art!

"Don't freaking ogle her, you effin freak," Hidan growled, cuffing Deidara upside the head. The blonde gave him a dirty look before recovering in a split second. He leaned closer to Hinata.

"So, beautiful sculpture, un... What is your name? And number?" Deidara asked, not bothering to hide his rather blatant interest. "You're so freaking delectable..." he murmured. Hidan cuffed Deidara upside the forehead before slamming his fist down on top of the blonde's head.

"Don't be such a creep, you ... creep!" he exclaimed, scowling at the blonde. Deidara slapped his hands to his head and grimaced in pain. Hinata squeezed backwards in the booth, glancing from one man to the next. "Look, you scared her," Hidan continued grumpily.

"Um..." Hinata muttered, glancing around the coffee shop for some method of escape.

"Allow me to get you a coffee to make up for the behaviour of this son of a bitch," Hidan offered, turning a handsome smirk Hinata's way. She blinked.

* * *

The dance was not cutting it. He was so bored it was almost funny. All the girls that approached him looked like someone he'd banged already, and they were far too easy for the chase to be any fun whatsoever. And the music was stale. Seriously, wasn't there any fresher music than this overplayed crap?

And the joint was hot and sticky... and he was complaining a lot because he was thinking about Hinata. Damn, she'd thrown him for a loop tonight. He'd not expected her to ... to be anything. When he'd seen her last, Neji had bossed her around, and she'd wilted at her cousin's hard words. He'd seen her as a bit pathetic, but somehow, he'd seen her differently.

This must be Naruto's fault! If Naruto hadn't brought up the dare, none of this would have happened!

Sasuke leaned up at the bar and was about to order himself a drink, but he was actually tired of alcohol right now. He didn't feel for it. Sasuke sighed and moved from the bar. He needed some fresh faces to get involved with, but where to go? Everywhere he frequented was filled with half-dressed skanks that he had no interest in; it seemed as though decent girls like a certain Hyuuga were seriously few and far apart tonight, or maybe it was because he kept comparing her to everyone else.

His mind ran on Naruto. According to Naruto, there was a new American coffee shop close to this club, though. What was it again? Something to do with stars and money... Starbucks? Yes, that sounded about right. Sasuke slipped from the back entrance of the club and continued down the streets with his hands in his pockets. Okay, fine, his fingers were hooked in the belt loops of his really skinny jeans, but it was the same effect, right?

Spotting the coffee shop, and as soon as he opened the door, jealousy began dancing in his stomach. Hinata? With two men? Damn.

* * *

**We were both incredibly tired when we wrote this! Hahaha! Review and let us know what you think!**


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